it's a miracle!

Ok, "miracle" may be over-selling it, but how else to explain this.

Save me Jebus!

nerdy and proud

So today, I had to go deposit some checks, and decided to wait on the tellers' line, as opposed to using the ATM. As I got closer to the front, I heard a teller say, "Will the following customer please step forward?" I thought that word choice was interesting, because I usually expect a list to come after "following,' e.g., "The best parts of summer include the following: the nice weather, BBQs, and flip flops." Why couldn't they just say, "will the next customer please step forward?"

In any case, the tellers must have been instructed to use this ridiculous turn of phrase, because they ALL were doing it. "Will the following customer please step forward?" "Will the following customer please step forward?" "Will the following customer please step forward?" "Will the following customer please step forward?" You can see how that's annoying, and just plain wrong, right?

It's cool. I own my nerdiness. I just uncovered this, which was one of my all time favorite clips on Sesame Street.



Read, Enjoy and Discover.

Here's some more nerdy and ridiculous news.

slow news day

This qualifies as news? Seriously? Anyway, you might as well read it -- Oprah Says She's Not Gay.

Stay tuned for the next article in this series: Pope Says He's Not Jewish.

you're killing your father, larry

I quite enjoyed David Sedaris's commencement address at Princeton. Check it out. (For the record, he did not actually attend Princeton.)

P.S. Here are some thoughts on the new Mac campaign ad.

no moore i love yous

Well, apparently Zach Braff and Mandy Moore have broken up. I happen to be fans of both of them -- before you scoff at the Mandy revelation, go see Saved! and her arc in Entourage. Immediately. (Ok, and A Walk to Remember is fun in a guilty-pleasure sort of way). Anyway, while I'm sure this more-private-than-most celebrity couple will not be on the cover of magazines (especially when Shiloh is poised to learn how to hold up her head), I thought that another installment of Headlines They Could Write would be appropriate. It remains to be seen if they will remain caring and committed friends. And away we go:

Amor No Moore
No Moore than Friends
Mandy's New(ly) Single
Zach Back on the Market
Braff Scrubs Away Tears
Chasing Liberty
Oh, Mandy
Moore and Braff: Ripped in Half
Weeds in the Garden, State Mandy and Zach
Moore and Braff's Relationship Smells Like New Jersey

i'll try to remain calm [submissive]

There are ten words, which, when heard in sequence, indicate to me that I am about to enjoy 30 minutes of unadulterated entertainment. The words in question?

"I rehabilitate dogs. I train people. I am...the Dog Whisperer."

Ah yes, the Dog Whisperer, Senor Cesar Millan. If you are not familiar with this wonderful program on the National Geographic channel, here's how it goes. A suffering dog owner (from Southern California, which adds to his or her general ignorance of the ways of the world) complains to Cesar that his or her pet, for example, does pirouettes every time a car drives by. Or, perhaps, the dog has a phobia of microwaves. Maybe the dog has a nasty habit of taping over Lost episodes. Whatever. Undoubtedly, Cesar will, at some point say, "your dog eez not your child. Your dog eez a dog." Catch phrases such as "calm submissive" (what the dog should be), "calm assertive" (what the owner should be), and "pack leader" (owner again) are tossed around dilly dally. And it's all about the "Tcch" -- the shushing sound that Cesar makes again and again (usually with the assistance of a choke chain) to get the dog to behave. It's pretty amazing. The most hyper Jack Russell Terrier and the most vicious Pit Bull are no match for Cesar's "Tcch"!

The combination of the oblivious dog owners and the intuitive Dog Whisperer makes for some quality television. You can see the light bulbs go off in the owner's head, as Cesar explains in his lovable accent, "Een order to get reed of the dog's energy, you must take him on more walks," or "remember to be calm and assertive," or, "eef you want the dog to stop eating him from the table, stop feeding him from the table." Like I said, southern California.

Sometimes Cesar even gets his family in on the act. It's like the Millan Family Players. Got a German Shepard who hates kids on skateboards? No problem, Cesar's son will calmly glide by the animal on a skateboard while his father mans the leash. Got a St. Bernard with cannibalistic tendencies? No worries, Cesar will offer up his own family pet as bait. Got a misogynistic Daschund? Simple solution -- Cesar will have his wife show up and solve quadratic equations in the dog's presence.

Sadly, my little guilty pleasure is now approaching cultural saturation. He's in the New York Times; he's in the New Yorker; he's on Oprah; and he's even parodied on South Park. But I'm not bitter like I was when Dave Matthews sold out. No. Cesar is a man of the people, and his voice should be heard. He is...the Dog Whisperer.

giving the people what they want

So, a while back, I presented a list of random search terms that had led people to this here blog. One of these phrases was "kelly ripa tide commercial." Now, apparently this is way more popular than I anticipated, as I have noticed lately that many many people have showed up here after looking for "kelly ripa tide commercial." I decided to investigate the situation, and it appears, that if you type in "kelly ripa tide commercial" on google, I am the second link. The second! (Though after I'm done here, it may very well be the first.) I am sure that all of these people hate me, as I have nothing to do with "kelly ripa tide commercial," nor any of the terms listed therein. However, in the spirit of good will and procrastination, I have located the "kelly ripa tide commercial." In fact, I have located two of them. I did not even know that "kelly ripa" was featured on a "tide commercial," because, with the wonder of DVR, I no longer watch commercials. However, apparently, "kelly ripa" is in a "tide commercial" for the product called tide-to-go, kind of like a stain stick that seems to work instantaneously. Would you like to see the television spots in which "kelly ripa" sells "tide commercial"ly? Today's your lucky day! Kindly go here and you can watch "kelly ripa tide commercial" to your heart's desire. And as an added bonus, here's Kelly's self-parody on SNL, wherein she sells hair color with just a touch of crack cocaine.

Incidentally, tide-to-go looks like a wonderful product. I think I might have to buy some. Yay, advertising works! Thank you, "kelly ripa tide commercial" -- for everything.